I was pretty dismayed and disgusted at the so called “tools” a supposed PHD in psychology offered the world on a blog post on psychology today. Far too often it feels that people are so eager to fill some blog space, that they write some utter drivel, full of generalisms, soundbites and meaningless noise.
Such as this article on psychology today by PHD Melanie Greenberg.
For someone so supposedly at the top of their game, to offer such a great (sinical) tool to cope with self esteem as (paraphrasing) “ask for some positive feedback from others”, really seems lame.
Of course I can’t just moan and bitch and be a part of the problem and not the solution. SO I offered this blog comment (which may or not stay published on there), with the one REAL tool I use every day in my own life to cope with the mountain of nay slayers who would wish me dead.
@melanie the last thing i want to do is make you feel bad, but this article is a great list of sound bites as to feeling crap. We who feel crap know this already 😉
I’m pretty shocked and dismayed how cavalier your “tools “are. Do you eat a lot of Chinese crackers per chance?
Seriously I doubt you’ve ever actually even tried one off your list yourself, else you’d know it’s nothing like that easy.
So let me try to offer one genuine tool to stop feeling bad.
When we let other people, or circumstances, control our own emotions, when we feel that tornado because we lose faith in the very essence of who we are and what we believe, there’s really only 1 thing going on here and at least this opens up one opportunity for real self help.
That 1 thing is that we were already coming from a place where we were over reliant on outside forces. Then when we lose that crumb of a pillar of support, we are devastated.
So my suggested mechanism is to look in to yourself, not to others, or to change your environment. By all means do those things too, but recognise it’s replacing one crutch for another.
In victor frankyls book he says “we are born alone, and we die alone”. While I don’t totally agree with that on face value, because it’s the interaction and impact we have inbetween, the memories we create and the universal energy we infuse, it emphasises that it’s up to us how we feel, not others. It’s not up to any God, either.
But these are just words. Another soundbite. So let me make it more real.
Each of us was born and has a unique path of experience and memories to create and enjoy. Only I is responsible for how the I feels. Passing off that responsibility is just an excuse. So whatever we do with it, it is each our own.
So what gets me through my (hours/years) moments of doubt personally is this.
“I know I am right. My purpose is totally mine and mine alone to own. So I do the best that I can, at every given moment, to steer my life where I am destined to go. If others can enjoy that, or I get positive feedback, then that is just an added bonus. It isn’t the reason to do it. Or to stop doing it. Or to do something else.
It’s purely up to me to accept responsibility for who I am and what I do and to do my very best to do that.”
At first glance that may not seem like much of a tool or a help. But knowing you are responsible for our destiny and knowing that you are right to flow to that path, is inescapable. There is no room for self doubt when you are pro-active in becoming great with in yourself.
So like the Sedona method and others implies, we each need to accept our feelings and claim responsibility for them, and then control them and our destiny.
Positive feedback, love and being respected are all great. Bu they’re not the reason to do or not do, anything.
The One Core Truth:
The one core truth is we each control who we are. Despite the roadblocks. Despite the bad luck. Despite the abuse. Despite those who seek to control us for their own gains. We are each right about our own future.
When you can accept responsibility for who you are, then you take back control and you can change your destiny to your own designs.
It might only be an atom at a time. It may feel like you go up one rung and back down 3. The odds often seem overwhelming and unbeatable.
But no one and no thing can take away our resolve to keep moving forward, because we are right about our own choices and path.
Know only 1 thing. That you are right about yourself and the journey you want to take. You are right. Rejoice. Be happy for yourself.
You can’t control anyone else, nor should you want to. Not what they do, or how they feel about you or what you do.
But know the 1 truth. You are right about your own self. Nothing else matters. You are right.
For me, that’s the most valuable tool in my life.
Knowing you are right, is what makes Saints saint like and makes good win over the forces of evil.
You are right.
Rejoice in the amazing light which is you.