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That coke sure plays tricks with your Internet marketing
February 12th, 2008 | Author: peter
My name is Frank, and I have a problem. I am an Internet marketeer..
Hello and welcome Frank!
Posted in Thoughts | Tags: are all IM marketeers brain dead, how to crap big, IM seminar, mess control
I made $25 today. Buy my 53 minute audio of me having a crap, else you may never crap successfully on your own… John huge turdola says I crap great!
And here’s some really cool stuff for free. Here’s how to crap good! Eat lots of fibre and fruit and it just flows out…
Hey now you don’t have to, and I don’t care if you do or not, but I did give you that really cool crapping tip right?
But hey I don’t really care. Just thought you’d appreciate being able to crap better, but cool dude…
but you can join my “How to Crap Big” seminar for just $9,999.99 places strictly limited. I call it Mess Control… and you could
master the hidden secret of crapping with the best of them.
Ed says I am the best crapper he knows. Andy says I am full of crap. John says he learnt to crap from me – aah
LIMITED places.
Miss my crap and you’ll be saying oh sh*t for ever and your *ss WILL explode…
but no pressure really. I am just a nice normal guy! (or should that be “regular” guy?)
and I don’t just share my crap with any one.
But hey if you don’t want to, that’s cool dude.
But that free tip is still powerful right?!
W O W
I am so good, I have to go for a crap RIGHT now.
(Hey seminar 2 could launch soon… and now with toilet paper…)
Hey meet my chump Mike.
He learned (oh we are so uber typo grammar cred cool like you) to crap from me and he says he is crapping GREAT.
Yes thanks Frank. Yes thanks to you I am crapping really good these days. I used to only be able to crap like once per day, but since I deployed your 4 day crap machine Frank, I can crap 2 or 3 times per day.
That’s great news Mike! I’m so pleased that my crap technique is pushing the crap for you. Don’t forget I get to flush as part of my commission!
(SFX private joke – chautle chautle)
So Mike,
tell us why you are here and what really cool free THING you have for us today?
Thanks Frank,
well today I have a free video of how to make your crap smell nicer.
We could have SOLD THIS for $19.99 but we are GIVING it to you for free as I am also a really NICE guy.
That’s great Mike.
But let me just paraphrase what you said, because it’s a bit technical for me.
SO you’re saying if I do a crap and it smells, you have a Ninja method for making it smell nicer?
Hey that’s cool, cos sometimes.. well never mind, this is the free sampler so I won’t go in to detail when I can save that for the paid course…
Yes
that’s right Frank, nice smelling crap and you don’t have to lift a finger.
So cool dude, tell us for free how it works then. This is really cool of you dude to do this for free.
This is so powerful, or sweet smelling, depending what you think I am talking about…
Yes Frank,
I am a really nice guy, like you!
(Aah chautle chautle).
So you’re thinking how does this Ninja technique work?
Well you simply put some strong smelling flowers, or an incense burner, or my favourite is an air freshener, in to the toilet.
(Or light a match and burn it end to end, but be careful with matches kiddies)
Hey dude
that is uber cool.
Yeah I used a lavender air freshener once. It like totally smelt of lavender.
It was so erm. lavendery.
Yes I bet it did Frank!
But the “Ninja” tip is to use STRONGER smells to mask any really bad smelling craps.
Something stronger like GoogleOil Fresh.
Woh!
Power Tip!
GoogleOil Fresh.
Wow that MUST smell awesome dude?
Yes Frank it really hits the spot.
I had 3 craps yesterday and I had visitors coming round, but phew, GoogleOil Fresh worked and here is the video testimonial from 23 people who are friends, or friends of a friend who once met, someone who was at my house yesterday.
They can all confirm they prefer NICE smells.
Awesome Mike, awesome!
Yes Frank, it’s a great tip and it’s FREE as I am such a nice guy like you
(awe chautle chautle)
Cool Mike kewel!
But what if people can’t decide what smell to use each day?
Or what happens if it like totally runs out?
And OMG like which shops can you get it from? Bakers?
Oh wow man this is SO complicated!
Well Frank,
if the listeners want, and it’s totally optional and I don’t care if they do or not, but we have a monthly subscription to “Rent a list of smells” which is only $97 per month with full PLR rights.
But we will include an ebook worth $4,203.15 called “How To Wipe Your *ss From Front To Back”, totally free and included in the price. but only if they act today. And then the price will go up and we’ll withdraw it from the market for ever.
Awesome Mike. Awesome.
So they can use your totally free tip for nothing, because you are such a nice guy, or if they can’t decide what smell to use, or what to do when it runs out of, what’s that word, like someone told me it the other day when I was walking my adopted kitten, hey fluff ball the kitten is SO damn cute, oh yeah, hell, perfume. Damn did I just say hell, oh I am such a swearing cunt. You should never invite me around to meet your vicar, especially unless you want me to crap like right in front of him, I mean hey dude… I can really push them out…
Hey Frank, awesome.
You are so full of crap! I wish I was as full of crap as you. Maybe one day I hope… Hey maybe you should do a course or something dude, for hopeful crappers like myself?
Nice idea about a course Mike and really spontaneous.
So Mike, so let’s just relate back to the audience for a sincere kiss-the-baby moment…
So like we’ve shown you how to crap and we’ve shown you how to make it smell nice. And hey we’ve done all thut (intentional spelling mistake to make us look real and human and bad at typing just like you and Ed) totally like for free because we are 2 nice guys so full of crap, so hey that’s great of us.
Of course if you want to be really sure your crap smells nice, you can get on Mike’s Ninja smells PLR list for just $97 per month,
but hey don’t sweat it, worst that can happen is your crap could smell really bad, you lose your wife, children, job, home, pets and people could hose rocks at you in the street.
But hey that might not happen, so cool dude, just enjoy your smelly craps. But wow Mike and I are going to have SUCH SWEET smelling craps, because we use the NINJA technique, but hey that is so totally optional, you don’t even need to buy it… Just if you stink out the crap hole, may be open a window or something…
Oh look an Echinada! Careful he bites!
So cool dudes! Till the next time I want something…
Super Crapping dudes.
Frank – the sweet smelling crap guy. You do crap right?
Caveat: If you have crap you need to smell sweet, I may or may not be able to make it smell nicer but give me a call anyway. Warning. You may not earn a bean in your entire life following my suggestions. Darn this internet marketing thing is easy isn’t it.